Real

“You’re not my real mother!” he shouted as she took the device out of his hand. “I hate you.”

She took it to the master bedroom and placed it in a drawer remembering a time when those words were like fingers on the video game controller, pushing her buttons and controlling her as if she were one of the characters on the screen.

Mondays were like this, she had learned. After spending a weekend with his birth mom it took him a day to get back into the routine of family life. On weekends there were no rules. No bedtimes. No restrictions. No homework. No chores. But there was also no basketball hoop. No friends. Nobody to play with. Nobody tucking him in at night. Nobody to say prayers with him. From Saturday morning until Sunday night he lived in a different world. His mom was there but she worked at nights and got home very late. She slept during the days.

His favorite food was pizza. Good thing. Every Saturday evening his mom ordered pizza for him. Pepperoni—his favorite. He ate about half of it and put the rest in the fridge for lunch on Sunday. Breakfast was just as good. His mom always bought a dozen Dunkin’ Donuts on her way home from work in the early morning. He got to choose whichever he wanted. Sometimes he ate half a glazed donut and a couple of bites of a chocolate frosted one. If he wanted, he could take a bite out of every one and he still wouldn’t get in trouble.

While his mother slept he watched movie videos. Some of them were R rated. He would not be allowed to watch them at home and he had sworn to his mom that he would keep it a secret. He didn’t like keeping secrets.

One Sunday night he came home and announced that he had earned some money at his mom’s. She let him do some work sweeping floors and helping to clean at her business which she told everyone was a travel agency. He had difficulty repeating the lie and just said, “I earned it cleaning at my mom’s work.”

He didn’t realize that there were no secrets at home. His dad and step-mom never questioned him because they had taught him not to lie. They knew that his mom told him not to tell so they just let him be. As long as he was not there when the business opened they kept their mouths shut. The dancers didn’t arrive until well after he had eaten his pizza back at the apartment and was already watching videos or playing video games. He knew but he didn’t understand. If there was nothing to be ashamed of, why was he sworn to secrecy?

As he got older he realized that he was living in two different worlds. That’s when it began. The confusion. The guilt about lying. The anxiety. But she was his mom. His real mom. The one who had shown him the scar on her belly where the doctors had cut her open so that he could be born. “And don’t you forget that,” she told him. “She didn’t have to be cut open to have you. Remember that. She’s not your real mom. I am.”

Tuesday everything was back to normal. He woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, got dressed for school and poured milk over his cereal while this other woman made his lunch and helped to made sure his backpack was ready. She had helped him with his homework the night before, after she took away the video game controller. His dad got home in time for dinner and they always ate together—the three of them. Dad left early for work, before he got up, but he was always home for dinner. He helped with history and science homework. His step-mom helped with English and math.

He played basketball after school with a friend who lived down the street. They were on a team together but he missed a lot of games that were played on Saturday afternoons. He liked it better when they were morning games and he could play before his mom picked him up.

Wednesday was early day at school. His classes ended an hour early so the teachers could have their staff meeting. He usually went bowling with some kids on a league. That way he would get home about the same time as his step-mom did. He didn’t like being alone in the house even if he was in his room drawing or watching TV. When his dad got home they had some time to throw the baseball before dinner. They were all baseball fans but on weekends there was nobody to watch the games with at his mom’s.

On Thursday he had his favorite class, art. He sketched very well and the teacher praised him. She told him he was talented and should pursue his interest in art. She was his favorite teacher. And Thursday was the best night for TV shows. He, his dad and step-mom all liked to watch Survivor and guess who would be voted off. He secretly giggled when they showed the women in their bikinis. He was at that age.

Friday was a good day. The end of the school week. An evening of relaxation. But by bedtime his mood was already changing. His dad had hugged him and said goodnight but there was sadness in his eyes when his step-mom sat on his bed and said prayers with him.

“What’s the matter, honey? You look so sad,” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said.

“C’mon, you can’t fool me. What are you thinking about?”

“Jody, do I have to go to my mom’s tomorrow? Can’t I stay home just one weekend?”

Florida voters have their work cut out for them!

The Florida primary is over and I did not vote. It’s not that I didn’t want to but my voter’s registration card lists me as NPA—No Party Affiliation. I don’t vote the party line and never have. My practice has been to investigate the candidates and base my vote on the results.

In yesterday’s election I did my homework. Even though I wasn’t eligible to cast my vote, it appears that I am one of the few people who bothered to look closely at the Republican candidates, Bill McCollum and Rick Scott. McCollum has been Florida’s Attorney General for several terms and therefore was labeled a ‘career politician.’ The general consensus in the country is following President Obama’s campaign call for change, which I’m waiting to see occur—but I’m sure it will eventually, I just have to be patient.

Ah, but I digress. (Here we go with the clichés again, but at least I didn’t write, “That being said…” or “Having said that…”)

Any fool with a computer—not implying that if you are reading this on my blog that you are a fool—could have Googled Rick Scott and learned that he was the founder and CEO of a healthcare company in Texas that was found guilty of the biggest Medicare fraud in history. In his ads, he flashed his coy smile and admitted that the charges were true but that he was unaware of what was happening around him. Now isn’t that the kind of guy you want to elect to serve in as Governor? One who doesn’t know what’s going on in his own offices?

The results are in and the lemmings followed the leader into the land of ‘vote ‘em out’. Rick Scott, who financed his own campaign with the money he stole from his company, crushed Bill McCollum by more than three percentage points! I guess you would call that a big win in some places. To me, it was a photo finish.

Regardless of the election outcome, the numbers are in and McCollum is out of the running. Apparently nobody was aware of the fact that Florida clinics, partly owned by Rick Scott, are under investigation by the federal government. Of course, even if they were, since it was Attorney General Bill McCollum that brought the charges, it would simply have been a finger-pointing campaign where Scott insinuates that McCollum’s future grapes may just go sour.

In other news, the Florida Senatorial race is heating up. Governor Crist who was way behind Rubio in the polls jumped out of the Republican party a la Joe Lieberman and is running on the Independent ticket. Crist, whose latest accomplishments include vying for the most photo ops with President Obama since the BP oil spill, knew that Floridians noticed his break from the party. Rumors have it that once he is elected (those are his words, not mine) he will change parties yet again and officially become a Democrat with the hope of replacing Joe Biden on the 2012 ticket with his new BFF.

I have nothing personally against Crist. I just don’t think he has done a particularly good job representing the people of Florida as their governor. He seems like a nice guy. Very sincere, in fact. Actually, if he finds himself out of work next year, I think he may find a second career as a model selling suntan products or possibly as an actor stealing roles from George Hamilton. After all, George is getting a little old.

The problem with Socialism...

This is a guest post from an old college buddy of mine--someone who marched with me against the Viet Nam War. I will just identify him as "Marco." He breaks down his political philosophy into terms that almost anybody can understand--especially someone who has ever lived with a roommate! Take it away, Marco...


The problem with "Socialism" is that it isn't very social. There are the people that work and then the people that take. Eventually you run out of people, who will do the work and PRODUCE, and also their money! The philosophy behind the whole thing is based on unrealistic assumptions about the nature of mankind and the ability to CHANGE it!


Personally, I learned the whole thing was bullshit when I was 19 and lived at a fraternity house in college. Regardless of whatever "touchy-feely, family" interactions there were, one simple thing always stood out...NO ONE WOULD DO THE DISHES!! And someone always took your food from the fridge WITHOUT ASKING!


Those 2 elements repeated themselves in all commune-type living experiences I had. Even in California, when I lived on a ranch/farm with a group of hippie/socialist types. The freeloaders always drag the thing down to the point where everybody just goes home. Except in a place like a country--there's no place to go TO! Once America gives up its natural heritage of self-sufficiency, survival of the fittest and all that, the place will be doomed.


I have an idea about declaring a state of our choice to be the way America should be and everybody who believes in that would all move there and force the freeloaders the hell out! I would pick California. It's damn near perfect as far as a geographical area is concerned. It's big and has EVERYTHING. Texas is big enough but the Gulf Coast just doesn't do it like the Pacific! Like my idea?


Thank you Marco for your 2 cents. Anyone wishing to comment on this guest post, please feel free. I will pass along your comments to the author.

Tony Bennett, In a Class by Himself -- Interview by Susan Cross

On stage at UCF Sept 2008, courtesy Charles Wells Photography

In September 2008 I interviewed Tony Bennett before he performed at the University of Central Florida. This was one of my most difficult interviews. Let's face it, what could I ask him that hadn't already been asked and answered before?

Susan Cross: If you had to choose, would you rather be known as a singer who is also a painter or a painter who is also a singer?


Tony Bennett: I have been very fortunate to have been able to do the two things I love the most – sing and paint. I have been doing both all my life and I don’t view them as two separate endeavors with one taking more importance over another. Instead, they are pursuits that enable me to stay in a creative zone all the time – they balance each other in the ying-yang tradition.

Susan Cross: Your paintings cover such a wide range of subjects including musicians, landscapes, still life and self portraits. Do you paint from memory, photographs or while actually looking at your subject?

Tony Bennett: I love the spontaneity of capturing a moment on canvas but there are times when that is not possible so if I discover something that I want to paint and there is not time to work on it on the spot I will take a photograph to use as an inspiration for a painting.

Susan Cross: So many cities are featured in your paintings. Besides New York, do you have a favorite city or region that you find particularly scenic?

Tony Bennett: I paint so many of the cities that I travel to while I am performing -- -but I vacation In the Tuscany region of Italy and love to paint those landscapes.

Susan Cross: Why did you name the Exploring the Arts public high school "Frank Sinatra School of the Arts" rather than using your own name?

Tony Bennett: It was a wonderful way to honor a great performer and a very dear friend.

Susan Cross: Do you plan on opening similar schools in other cities?

Tony Bennett: With my wife Susan, we started Exploring the Arts which supports arts education In the public schools and the Frank Sinatra School of the Arts, which is a public arts high school is our first endeavor. The permanent building for the school, which was designed by Polshek Partners who are world renowned architects, is the first of what we hope are many such schools.

Susan Cross: How many self portraits do you think you've done over the years?

Tony Bennett: Many.

Susan Cross: It appears in your book that you favor watercolors. Is this your favorite medium?

Tony Bennett: I love watercolors as they are easy to travel with so I can take them on the road with me and I compare them to jazz music which is a spontaneous, in the moment, way of playing. Watercolor is a quick medium and it’s very immediate.

Susan Cross: How much of an impact do you think your CD "Duets" had on a new generation of music lovers?

Tony Bennett: I had a great time performing the songs of my catalog with a host of contemporary artists -- all of whom were very professional and well prepared. It turned out to be the best selling CD of my career!

Susan Cross: Are you flattered by the fact that young artists such as Michael Buble and Diana Krall are performing standards that you originally made famous?

Tony Bennett: I am thrilled that the Great American Songbook has attracted such talented artists and this is the finest music that American has ever created. There was a golden age of songwriting in which these songs were crafted by masters such as Cole Porter, the Gerswhins, Duke Elllington, Harold Arlen and it is a national treasure.

Susan Cross: How does it feel to have received Billboard's Century Award when it is obvious that you are still "Young at Heart?"

Tony Bennett: I received that award during my 80th birthday year which was such a memorable time for me and it’s always nice to be honored but I tend to not dwell on the past too much and always look forward to what is coming next.

Susan Cross: To what degree do you feel that your passion for art, music and family have contributed to your long, happy and productive life?

Tony Bennett: My philosophy is to do what you love in life and you never need to retire.

Susan Cross: What is it about New York that has such a hold on you?

Tony Bennett: There is no city on earth like New York – all the world is here.

Susan Cross: Before you step out on the stage, what thoughts go through your head?

Tony Bennett: I still get butterflies which I take as a good sign – it tells me that I still care about how the show is going to go that night – will the sound be good, will the audience enjoy themselves – it’s about caring.